Life is hard. It is my belief that human beings have evolved into creatures that are essentially too complex for their own good. The mind is such a powerful force that we barely understand even the smallest inkling of it. And it is that powerful mind that brings us both joy and misery. In that regard they say that, “ignorance is bliss,” but I think that’s a pretty cheap way of looking at things. All though it may very well be true. I’m reminded of one of my favorite films, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and the quote the film was based off of by Alexander Pope:
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned
But I don’t want to be ignorant. And the movie is a perfect example as to why that’s not always a good thing, you miss out on so much. If there’s one thing in this life I can pride myself on, it’s my mind. But when you’re stuck in a situation and a place you don’t want to be in, that same mind can bring great anguish. It’s a sad paradox really. The same thing that makes me such a good person, is what keeps me from doing the things I want to do. I know that there are better and greater things out there, because I’ve read about them, I’ve talked to people who have experienced them, I’ve learned these things. But I also have such immense fear of actually taking the leap to change my life. I just have to keep constantly reminding myself as to what I really want.
I want to help people. I want to get home from whatever job I may have, feeling like I made a difference that day. I put a smile on someones face, or I performed a valuable service, whatever the task may be. I would prefer this job to be a decent paying job, maybe 30 hours a week. I want plenty of time to focus on hobbies and exploration. Adventure is important to me. I think once a man stops seeking new thrills, then his life is essentially over. I think people should always challenge themselves, and a person should be scared out of their minds from time-to-time. Get your adrenaline flowing, feel the blood pumping, remind yourself that you’re alive. And appreciate all that you have, and all that you don’t have.
Give all the love you can to those around you, and most likely you will receive that same love in return. If not, find new friends. We can do that if we need to. Is it hard? Sure, but if things aren’t going the way you want them to, if your life doesn’t feel complete or fulfilled, then do something about it. If you hate your job, get a new one. Find your current place of residence dull and boring? Move somewhere else. Just do whatever it takes to truly live, and make a difference.
The clock is ticking for me, I’m 30 now, I will be 31 soon(yikes) and my biological clock is going to start it’s downward descent. I have to get the ball rolling as soon as I possibly can. I have to keep my body and mind sharp, and stop being so damn lazy. I have to start taking the necessary steps to make these things happen. I have to stop thinking, and start acting. It’s hard, but I feel I can make it in the end.
And you run and you run
To catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking
Racing around, to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way
But you’re older, shorter of breath
And one day closer to death